Comments on: Armies of Angels or, This is Not a Pain Contest

By: Meltdown | Burning Down the House

Meltdown | Burning Down the House — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 07:42:19 +0000

[...] and out of work, and she’s crying over faucets? Get over it, will you?” Well, as I’ve said before, it’s all a matter of perspective. Building a house from the ground up, all by yourself, on a [...]

By: Awnings Cape Town

Awnings Cape Town — Sat, 03 Sep 2011 17:15:39 +0000

Hi Andi, life is DEFINITELY not a pain contest. You really must work at taking less stress. Sandy is absolutely right, it is terrible for your physical and mental health and there is only so long one can go on with such high amounts of stress.
I say this with lots of love,
Regina

By: Andi

Andi — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 16:36:17 +0000

Thanks for reading, Sean. I tell people over and over, “it’s not a Pain Contest.” Knowing that it’s all relative has helped me stay on an even keel. I think that only we can say what is a “little problem” vs. a “big problem” in our lives.

My mother used to say that there is always someone richer or poorer than you, always someone better off and worse off. What keeps me going these days is embracing the paradox of my post-fire life – I still believe I am extraordinarily fortunate, and I’m also really grieving what I have lost. I get to feel lucky and unlucky all at the same time, in whatever way I choose. For me the key is not to get stuck in one or the other, but to keep flowing with life each day, open to new opportunities.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting. I hope to hear from you again!

Andi

By: sean

sean — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 16:17:35 +0000

You stated: “He said that compared to Auschwitz, losing his house in the fire was No Big Deal. That doesn’t mean we’re both not in pain, and suffering – It just means our experiences are different, and of different orders of magnitude.”

I can’t agree with this more. I recently had a client who mentioned that people should not complain about their little problems. That there are people in the world suffering much worse. That is true. I have been in India, Kenya, Tanzania, and many more places. I have seen the poverty and the children on the street.

However, you can not fault someone for feeling down or sad due to their situation. For each individual we have walked different paths and for what may be small to some may be gigantic to others.

By: Migration | Burning Down the House

Migration | Burning Down the House — Tue, 03 May 2011 03:18:40 +0000

[...] many survivors of disasters who are not nearly as fortunate. And yet, as I’ve said before, this is not a pain contest; there are no “winners” here. And today I feel as I do on most days – totally [...]

By: Claudia Putnam

Claudia Putnam — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 22:37:27 +0000

Once again I totally relate to you (I am having some trouble with my feed and am not getting all your posts in order…left a response for you over on my blog as well…thanks for commenting!). Quit reading my mind…I was about to write a post on PTSD and me… have been hesitating because I might need to look for a job and maybe it’s not the best idea to talk in public about how fragile I am right now. Psychotherapy Networker has a provocative series on PTSD this month: http://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/magazine/currentissue; I’m also reading Peter Levine’s In an Unspoken Voice. I’d almost (sort of, in terms of daily functioning) forgotten I *had* PTSD because I guess it had been in remission until this past September when a bunch of things together brought it up. I could have lived without it. Anyway, I guess a bunch of people are arguing that it’s an injury, not a disorder after all, and we can heal. Interesting thought experiment. I used to know this, I think, but I also think you need a fair amount of free time for self-care, and I’m not sure people who have to work full-time can do all the other work it takes to self-regulate enough. Esp if part of that involved living in a certain place. What do you think?

By: M. Douglas Wray

M. Douglas Wray — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 04:16:28 +0000

Thank you. This discussion is encouraging. :}

By: Andi

Andi — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 15:00:43 +0000

Thanks Piper. Your comments are always appreciated. Take good care,
Andi

By: Andi

Andi — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 15:00:18 +0000

Thanks Melissa. Your lovely words brought tears to my eyes. I’m so glad that the writing brings comfort and humor to your days. That’s my greatest wish for this blog, and the reason why I finally made these essays public – to help others, and to open up the discussion about grief and loss and how we deal with those Trouble Trolls. Thanks for your comment – it made my morning.

By: Andi

Andi — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 14:59:39 +0000

Thank You Marian. There are a few small objects that survived because they were outside in the garden, rather than in the inferno inside the house. One is a small rock that says, “Say Yes.” It now sits on the porch of my cottage here in Chautauqua, reminding me of how I’d like to live from now on. Say Yes.

Take good care,

Andi